Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Most Important Post Of All (Kind Of)

Basically this post is just to say to ignore all other posts that I have posted before (although I may still reference the list from time to time). I have finally gotten honest with myself and realized that I want to use this blog as an outlet to better myself: emotionally, physically, and mentally. I have a lot to learn in life still and this is my first step in learning those things.

Yesterday I started to cut ties with someone who I've technically known since kindergarten and became really good friends with in high school. Life obviously got in the way and we just became too very different people. It was becoming emotionally draining to try to be their friend and so I decided that it was time for me to move on and cut strings so that I can be a happier person in the long run. Who knows, maybe one day we will reconnect and become friends again. I've also realized that I have become too dependent on my circle of friends to make me happy. I judge my happiness on how often I see my friends and whether or not I'm in a relationship (which I haven't ever really been in a REAL relationship) and that is honestly just kind of silly. So, I've decided that I need to learn how to be my own bestfriend and to learn how to really love myself before I try to include anyone elses happiness in my own.

Physically, I'm a big girl -- really big. I have been saying I'm going to lose weight FOREVER! But honestly I kind of have skinny girl syndrome (I think I'm a skinny but am really not) and just convince myself that I look good and then give up trying. I've recently subscribed to Self because I'm a sucker for magazines and plus I love to read their articles, yet I've never put them into action. In September they started running a lose 8 pounds program that includes lots of fun prizes you can win if you achieve your goal! I figured it was worth a shot and would be an excellent way to start losing weight, so I signed up. I also used their calculators and found that my "Happy Weight" is 125 which means I have A LOT of work to do, but it will all be worth it in the end. I've also started reading Secrets of a Former Fat Girl and I looove it! It's a self help book not written by some quack (Dr. Phil I'm looking at you!) but written by someone who has actually been there. It's loaded with lots of secrets and tips to help you on your way to become a "former fat girl" -- although I am breaking secret #2 by telling everyone that I'm on weight loss mission -- OH WELL.

Mentally, well is anyone ever OK mentally HAHA. Anyway I really want to reconnect with God. When I was in High School and all through college I had this amazing relationship with Him and I was soo happy. But, then I graduated college and real live happened. My first job right out of school was horrible and I was having anxiety attacks and lots of other issues, and thats when I first started to drift away. I left that job and found one I'm reasonably happy at (all work places have there issues) but I was still drifting. I then thought maybe my church was the issue and went on a hunt for one that would cater to my needs but I missed my church. So I've been working on getting back to God and it's been slow going but I feel myself inching closer everyday :)!

Well, this may be the longest post in the history of posting but I feel renewed and will try my best to post everyday -- well -- maybe everyother day. Links for the Self challenge and the book I referenced will be posted below:

Self Challenge (I chose the at home option but will probably incorporate some gym time in there too)

Secrets of a Former Fat Girl (you can also find this at Barnes and Noble -- that's where I found mine)

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